rant #12

April 30, 2022

Time feels as if it passes more quickly as I age. Effectively two years of 'lockdown' (a word with a new meaning now) has had an impact personally, socially and in numerous ways for many.

The part of my practice that had a social focus has slowly dissolved. Now living away from the city has played a part but there is also little confidence in my knowledge and sense of what constitutes our society at the moment. This makes me unsure of how to proceed. The other absence is a sense of motivation. The two factors are interwoven.

I am not sure of the reason for the absence of motivation. The world around me feels different to 2019 and I think I have become more withdrawn, perhaps these things make enough of an explanation for disorientation.

I know that performing regularly creates momentum, sets precedence, carries expectations for continuance, becomes a way of living. So the opposite effect is likely to occur if performance and creative interactions do not happen. Losing the flow.

Another factor I think, lies with how the world in all its forms, is suffering in all its forms, and how sections of humanity, particularly the wealthy, the powerful and the privileged are behaving toward the rest of humanity and the global ecosystem at present and for the last few years in particular.

There are so many instances of disrespect, cruelty, violence and abuse of humans, other creatures and our environment that are detailed in stories and the news everyday. In Australia, it is truly shocking for me to watch my government's treatment of those seeking asylum. I cannot accept this behaviour on any level as being representative of values, a way of living, that I would call 'civilised'. Neither can I accept that we are a trillion dollars in debt and still have not given priority to housing those in need, feeding those in need, and solving social and economic inequities. It is high time to revolutionise our concept of indigineity and to harness the innate wisdom of this continents original culture - how to survive properly, how to properly care for this unique environment that IS NOT EUROPEAN.

The inflammation around us in any sphere we choose to focus on, is distorting, disfiguring the world that I grew to know. The world I grew up in was in no way perfect, horrible and terrifying events occurred and I am told that in many respects for the world on average, conditions have 'improved'. It just seems to me that the human world is grossly out of balance and unwell particularly within the human mind, and so in relation, with each other and our environment.

This inflamed condition seems to be accelerating rapidly, becoming overwhelming to behold.

I don't know where or how a broader social creativity fits in this scenario at the moment, perhaps the perceptions I am describing have leached away at a once durable and reliable reservoir of creative energies in a social, collaborative realm. I am able to make small sporadic efforts, but nothing sustained. Momentum seems elusive.

I find a bare minimum of inspiration in the 'world of art'. And worse still (!) find myself succumbing to nostalgia for respite and 'reliable' sources of inspiration.

I know this story describes one person and I guess that many others feel differently regarding their motivation and creative energies. Indeed, perhaps in a very short time I will react to this position as if reading the laments of someone else who poses a very different scenario than what I now feel.